Christmas isn’t my favorite holiday. Everyone know’s I’ve devoted my life to Halloween. I’m jealous of holidays like Christmas. Christmas seems to pop up earlier and earlier every year. Hell, even Christmas commercials start popping up around the end of October.
I do have some problems with Christmas, particularly when it comes to capitalism. Christmas commercials seem to show up earlier every year. Although, I’ll have to admit, I’m not changing the channel when this one comes on my TV:
or this one:
Department stores are playing Christmas music as soon as November hits, and that overwhelming sense of “IF YOU DON’T BUY THIS PERSON THAT THING YOU’RE A TERRIBLE HUMAN!” starts to eat you from the inside out.
YEAH! Be a man and drop a bunch of money in a jewelry store–cause that’s the manly thing to do on Christmas! Dang kids and their batteries! Buy her something she’ll only use 3 or 4 times! Not an iPad! Hey, isn’t this little lady supposed to be in the kitchen helping with the cranberry sauce?
For every useless piece of shit you buy your friends and family you will receive an equally if not bigger piece of shit in return. Ahhh yes, Christmas is a magical time of giving. Don’t get me wrong sometimes I get a lot of great stuff. In fact, as an adult, Christmas is that time of year to stock up on all of the things you should’ve bought for yourself… but never got around to it. You know, like kitchenware, vacuums, socks, and underwear. Yes kids, these are the Christmas gifts you have to look forward to in your late 20s.
There are things about Christmas that we should all learn to appreciate. You can hate the gift giving debacle all you want, but you can’t deny that Christmas gives you a few kick ass things as an adult. First, there are the Christmas parties that put Fezziwig to shame. These are an excuse to eat everything in site, bake pot cookies, and pour a bunch of booze down your friends/coworkers throats to just see what happens.
You get a few days off from work! Do I need to repeat that? *ahem* YOU’RE FREE OF YOUR CORPORATE DOOM (for a few days.) These aren’t just any days off. You’re not waiting for the PECO guy to show up, or going to your niece’s dance recital–oh no! You’re encouraged to eat your own weight in turkey, drink enough booze to kill a small family in North Korea, and quietly judge your family. If that’s not a well needed vacation day– I don’t know what is!
I’ve learned to embrace Christmas. Sure, there are things that I don’t like about it–but it looks like the good outweighs the bad. If you hate Christmas just do what I do. Take things about the holiday and make them your own. I have a 6ft tall hot pink Christmas tree in my living room, and it takes me a little over 30 hours to make my Christmas cookies. Sure, Christmas music fills me with an uncontrollable urge to kill–but I’ve found music that I do enjoy! Now I can play Christmas music that doesn’t make me want to dig up Bing Crosby’s grave while screaming “TELL B101 TO STOOOOPPP!!!”
We’ve all become accustomed to the idea that Christmas is a commercialized nightmare, but it’s also a time to do a little celebrating before the bitterly cold winter months. It’s a chance to celebrate everything you’ve accomplished this year (or curse it to hell), and start anew. So before we’re all bitching about Valentines Day, let’s just slow down and enjoy this
fleeting precious time together.
Merry almost Christmas, bitches.