Hi! Would you Like a Free Sandwich?

Hi! Would you Like a Free Sandwich?

[dropcap]L[/dropcap]iving life as a freelancer I often have to take jobs that I’m not particularly proud of.  My recent “gig” isn’t as glamourous as working on a film, or writing celebrity gossip–oh no.  This particular gig involves free sandwiches and a gas station.  Well…yeah you guessed it I have to hand out free sandwiches at a gas station.

Yep, that’s my job.  As a promotion for a new brand of sandwiches this particular gas station chain is attempting the ‘ol “drug dealer” method.  By handing out free sandwiches for two weeks, and hoping people are addicted enough that they’ll actually start purchasing them.  First taste is for free kids, ya gotta pay for the rest.  Now, even though I can neither confirm nor deny that any traces of cocaine are in these sandwiches–I can say they are quite delicious.  Yeah I said it.  These sandwiches are pretty damn good, and I enjoy giving people free breakfast and lunch.  The thing is, you’d be surprised at how many people actually turn down free food.

Yeah, I’ve gotten some dirty looks for offering to give someone a sandwich with no strings attached.  Every once in awhile the hurried business man sticks his hand infront of his face shaking his head no.  The occasional Asian pretends not to speak English, and the fed up soccer mom tells me to go away cause she “doesn’t want any”.  Out of all these particular characters, perhaps the one that stands out the most is the “friendly decline”.  I usually open up the conversation with a happy:

Good Morning!  Would you like a free sandwich?

*looks into the basket* Oh! Free?  *laughs* No, no thank you.
What dude?  Are you too good for my sandwiches?  Why are you turning down free food for no reason.  Sure, some people tell me they’d just eaten or they were on their way to lunch–but you people.  You people I really don’t understand.  In fact I don’t trust you. 
This whole post might make it sound like I hate this job, and that’s not the case.  It’s actually really nice to hand someone a free hot bacon egg and cheese after they just put $50 of gas into their piece of shit car.  People have told me that I’ve “restored their faith in humanity” and I possess “true Holiday Spirit”.  I don’t have the heart to tell these people that deep down I’m actually trying to sell them something–so I’ll just smile and nod when they tell God to bless me.
Some of the more interesting responses I’ve gotten are as followed:
  • What are you?  Throwing these out?- Uhhhh….no?
  • I’ve always been told not to take free food from gas stations. – Good philosophy 
  • Oh, I feel terrible taking free food from you, because you look like you need it more than me. – Excuse me?  Are you trying to say I look poor…or skinny?
  • Oh I just KNEW you didn’t work at the gas station.  You’re too pretty to work at a gas station! – Thhhhhhanks? 
Humans.  *shakes head* So weird.

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