In High School I used to carry a small notebook with me filled with quotes my friends and I had made when we hung out with each other. Basically, it was a giant list of inside jokes–but standing alone the notebook was pretty funny. Sometimes we talked about Weeping Love Grass and other times we told our friends to “eat a sponge” to sop up the alcohol they drank. Yes, the book was trivial, but it’s great to look back at things you thought were hilarious at the tender age of 16.
As time passed I didn’t have time to stop and write down in a journal–the internet has become my “quote book”. This is what I particularly love about Tumblr. I’m able to jot down hilarious conversations that I have with my friends and family. This time, the entire world can read them! These mini conversation posts serve two purposes: 1) To document hilarity and 2) To be able to look back and appreciate everyone in my life.
I’d like to share with you some of the funniest conversations I posted onto Tumblr.
My cousin and I discuss our unfortunate genes
Me : he calls me, but only when he wants something and i’m a pushover so i dont say anything about it
Jeanine: Aww. I think we’re all kind of like that. Damn those Belgian genes.
Me : We are made of Chocolate and Blue Moon, the two sweetest things on the planet
I hate you Stephenie Meyer
My google away message: Classmate:”I’m sorry you didn’t like my story” Me:”Unless your name is Stephenie Meyer I personally have nothing against you.”
Erin: you could at least spell her name right haha know your enemy!
me: thats how she spells it. thats how she spells stephanie. stephenie. i know her and i hate her
Erin: are you sure?
Erin: oh hahaha. you DO know your enemy!
me: i do!
This is what Hell Sounds Like
One: This week on our policy agenda we’re going to be talking about our recycling policy. Now, as most of you know our building recycles and it is very very important because we are constantly trying to achieve our “green” persona.
Two: That’s good. Yes, very nice. I love to “go green”
One: We know you do sweetie.
One: Now, the following items are permitted to go into our recycling bins. Please, pay attention because we don’t want the wrong items in the wrong places now do we? Ok. *clears throat* Now, paper, plastic, envelopes, empty label sheets, aluminum cans- -You know, those little soda cans you drink for lunch? Well that can go in there– paper, cardboard—Clean pizza boxes. NOT dirty pizza boxes! Those can’t go in there.
Boss: (mumbling) Are you kidding me?
Me: Where can I find a clean pizza box?
One: Plastic bags, but no plastic bags containing food. Actually, nothing with food residue may be thrown into the recycling bins. You can’t recycle food.
Two: What about paper towels?
One: I don’t know actually.
Two: Well, if I have a wet paper towel can I put it in the recycling?
Three: I don’t think you can put a WET paper towel in the recycling.
One: Right, I’d agree with you. No wet paper towels in the recycling bin, and certainly no paper towels with food in them!
Two: What about a dry paper towel?
Three: Oh! Good question!
One: I think we can allow a dry paper towel to be put into the recycling bin.
Boss: (whispering) Jesus Christ….
One: Ok so Jo Anna, do you recycle? Do you understand the recycling policy?
Me: I actually don’t have a recycling bin in my cubicle. I’ve just been putting everything in the trash.
Eric: man i got pepper up my nose
me: stop snorting cocaine off of your kitchen table
My mother is stupid.
Mom: I know you will say yes, but did you leave money in the pocket of mom-mom’s robe? How much, and what did it look like?
Me: Yes, I left money in mom-mom’s pocket. It had monetary value, and I’m pretty sure it was green with a dead president in the center.
This is how conversations with @elizabethmarely start
elizabeth: jo anna. did you know that a scrub is a guy who thinks he’s fly, and is also known as a buster ?
me: i hear he’s always talkin about what he wants and just sits on his broke ass
My boobs are always a topic of conversation
me: i have brains and boobs
eric: Rawr, sure do. Lots of both. Ahem.
me: lol you meant to emphasize the brains though, right?
eric: But of course. I’m always inappropriately staring at your brain. …..
@ElizabethMarley explains Yom Kippur
me: so tell me. what is Yom Kippur?
elizabeth: ok…So you do your new year, eat your apples and honey and shit, and then you spend the next weekish looking forward and back and thinking about resolutions and people you may have wronged, righting those wrongs–normal new year stuff.–And after all THAT, you arrive at Yom Kippur….and this is The Day of Atonement…so you fast all day, go to temple and atone and stuff, and then at the end of the day, you get to “break your fast” at someone’s house with bagels and shit
The Dyson Fan
Daniel: I need a Dyson fan for my desk.
me: ugh god you WOULD want a Dyson fan.
Daniel: Why wouldn’t anybody? They are awesome!
me: I believe the circle harnesses the souls of the damned and blows them directly into your face
Daniel: for $350 I hope so. It better double as a goddamn Stargate
This is how I imagine my life as a Hip Hop Mogul would be…
me: im bored …entertain me
eric: (cries into hands while dancing)
Costume Conversations with @SewSayWeAll
Emily: I can build it off of a red dress base. Like a slip or something. Like the tardis dress. If you find a red thrift shop dress then I just need a fuck ton of tool
me: is “a fuck ton” an actual method of measurement?
Emily: Yes it’s slightly larger than an ass load
When Discussing Naked Girls in Horror Films
John: It was such a relief once I was old enough to have a girlfriend and I saw her boobs and nobody got murdered
@nicholasreed ladies and gentlemen.
me: Ugh I’m watching late night, and I dont know who’s worse…Jay Leno or Dave Letterman
Nicholas: Yes. Yes is the answer.
Real Conversations with @LunaTechie
me: currently researching sex games
LunaTechie: Like, with penises or joysticks?
me: with penises
Talking Breaking Bad with my Brother
me: Yeah, the exchange between Walt and Skyler this week was intense.
Matthew: Just like circus fires
Matthew: In tents
me: I get it